The Darker side of Christmas:

I hate to be a bah humbug right off
the get go, but if I’m not honest, I’m worth nothing. So I’ll admit that I lost
my Christmas spirit years ago.  Every
year I try to get back into the swing of things, and every now and again I feel
the sparkle…the tiny inkling that maybe, just maybe that old Holiday spirit is
starting to creep in, but then it falls flat. 
As far as I’m concerned, the Holidays are over after Halloween, just
saying. But what does bring a smile to my face, albeit a Grinch type “sneer”
smile, is the history of Christmas.  Not
the jolly old St. Nick history, but the stories and fables…some say actual
legends, of what are supposed Santa is based off.  Most of these origin stories stem from European
folklore and have been passed down and told time and time again from as early
as the 12th century.  Obviously,
the icon of these stories is Krampus, but there are many other lesser known characters
that have weaved their way into the history of the world.   So boys and girls, standby, while Strange
Uncles sits down by the fireplace and sheds some light and unfolds the stories
that we all have not grown up to love….welcome everyone to the darker side of
Christmas where we, personally like to hang our stockings from.

Open the Gates…

Just like most things in our history,
mankind has always found a way to intertwine religion with fear.  The holiday season or “Christmas” if you will
is no different.  Have you ever actually
listened to the words of Santa is coming to town?  “He see’s you when your sleeping, he knows
when your awake, so you better be good for goodness sake?”  A little creepy at the least.  But Santa does have a little bit of a
connotation for being that all seeing, all knowing…Very similar to God.  Even if you look at the spelling of Santa, it
has the exact, I mean exact, letters that are in the name Satan.  Curious indeed.  I do find it hilarious however, how many
letters to Santa yearly, or misspelling of Santa to Satan occur in media, or advertisements.  Perhaps a little subconscious spill’s forth from
the mind’s when this happens.  I don’t
know, but still fucking funny.  And it
shouldn’t escape anyone, that just like religion, not matter what branch it
belongs to or country it stems from, as mentioned above, it becomes a tool to
keep humankind in check.  I personally
have no problem believing in what is right, and how to treat other persons of
this world with care and respect, and I do not need a belief in a God of any
type, to keep me in line with what I know is just decent behavior.   But this is not, and has not, been the case throughout
our bloodied history. Not only grownups need to have the reminder of being good
checked at the behest of the fear of the almighty, but let’s not forget about
the children.  Ahh, the blessed children.  So as one would guess, all the folklore
we discuss really is based off fear. 
Fear that if you’re not nice, and not doing what a good little boy or
girl…or trans fluid, non-gender, binary gender, call me simply a Z gender…whatever
the kooky kids are calling themselves nowadays should be doing, you will get a
lump of coal in your stocking, or ate…or taken to a cottage where a Cannibal
will cook you in a stew…so there’s that. 
Kids nowadays are so spoiled; I swear to god. 

Let’s start with the most obvious,
that being a little history rundown of our own history of Satan, err, I mean
Santa.  So Santa Claus, AKA Saint Nicholas,
AKA Kris Kringle, starts his history actually based off of a 3rd
century patron saint called Saint Nicholas. 
In the Catholic religion Saint Nicholas was known as the patron saint
for children.  He is suspected to be born
around 280 AD in Patara, which is near modern day Turkey.  Its said that he gave away all his belongings
and would travel the countryside helping the poor and sick, as well as helping
children.  His feast day is celebrated on
the day of his death, December 6th. 
But was there more European history to lend to what we know as Santa
Claus?  Why yes, Virginia, there is.  In Russian folklore, there is a character
known as Ded Moroz, who was also known in Russian fairytales of Grandfather
Frost.  Ded Moroz roots was based in Slavic
Paganism Mythology.  He would bring
presents to good children on New Year’s Eve and dressed very similar to how we
have painted Santa.  There were other
characters in European Paganism that resembles not only the look and likeness
of Santa, but Ded Moroz holds the resemblance much more than the others.  Fast forward to somewhat modern times, where
commercialism seeded its way into our daily Psyche, and the idea of how Santa was
now used not so much as a naughty and nice children type thing, but to feed the
commercial greed of shopping, money, and damn near going bankrupt to give your
kids a good Christmas. But there always is a yin to the yang sort of
speak.  If we have something that mainly
represents good, then we need to have something that represents bad.  

Krampus:  Lets start with the biggest bad guy of Christmas,
a one known as Krampus.  Krampus was born
out of Northern European folklore, often depicted as a half man, Half beast
type creature, that would come out during the Winter Solstice. While Ded Moroz
or Santa, would give presents to the good little boys and girls, Krampus would
beat the bad little boys and girls with a birch switch.  Krampus more than likely was born out of pre-Christian
beliefs, but now during present times, Krampus, which translates from German
called “Krampen” which means claw, is having a resurgence in not only the united
states, but Austria, Germany, Slovenia, Hungary, and the Czech Republic. Krampus
in some countries, just don’t beat kids with a wood switch, but eats them.  He is also known to be the son of the Norse
god Hel, who resides in the underworld.  Traditionally,
Krampus will come out on the night of December 5th, so children are
put to bed early, and parents cross their fingers that when everyone awakes the
next day, they don’t have little Timmy’s toes found, and nothing else.

La Befana:  In Italian folklore, Befana is an old woman
who lives secluded in the forest.  She
fly’s around on a broomstick (of course) and delivers gifts to the children on January
5th, If your good.  She is
also known to be covered in soot from entering the houses via the chimney
(sound Familiar?), and sweeps the floor when she leaves, which is said to
represent sweeping away the problems of the previous year.  She puts candy and presents in the socks of
good kids, and a lump of coal or dark candy in the socks of the bad.  Obviously, the actions and traditions of
Santa more than likely stemmed from La Befana. 
Its believed she is descended from Strenia, which is a Roman Goddess
from back in the day.

Perchten:   In the village of Kappl, in the western
Austria, a festival known as Perchten, is performed every November 13th.  The villagers will dress up as Perchten, which
is similar to Krampus, although some say much, much more wicked.  Then they parade and dance through the town,
to disperse the ghosts of winter.  This
tradition has gone on for over 1,500 years. 
In other European Countries, Perchta was the female counterpart to
Perchtold, who was the leader of the wild hunt. 
The wild hunt was made up of Elves, Fairies, and Demons who run around
and cause mischief, and actually witnessing the Wild Hunt was thought to be an
Omen of huge misfortune.  Usually seen as
a tall, white robed woman, Perchta would visit houses on the 12th
night od December and leave pieces of silver in the shoes of the good kids.  And the bad kids?  Well funny you should ask.  They would be gutted alive and their organs
would be replaced with rocks, straw, hair, etc.

Turon’:  Picture a 10’ tall black furred monster, with
giant horns and a flopping jaw, he follows carolers along while they sing their
Christmas songs.  This is a creature that
derives from Poland.  Different parts of
Poland will have varying degrees of how the Turon’ acts, but in a nutshell, he
is actually around on Christmas time to spread fertility, but in a weird way,
where he pokes women of the household with its horn.  It tries to sing along with Christmas being
sung either in a group or at a home, and when Turon’ annoys the singers enough,
they will sing a song to banish him. Turon’ as well as others, comes from the Pagan
Slavic belief.

Gryla: Leave it to Iceland to have
the craziest type of Christmas monster.  Oral
accounts of Gryla date as far back as the 13th century.  She originally was known through poems or
songs, such as this one: “Here comes Gryla, down in the field, with forty
tails, a bag on her back, a sword & knife in her hand, coming to carve out
the stomachs of the children.”  Known to
live in the deep in a cave in Iceland’s Hinterlands, in charge of a group of horrible,
strange creatures, she strolls into towns to snatch children and boil them in
her stew.  Different versions of Gryla
exist, one has her eating here own husband because she was bored.  Another is that she takes the bad children to
her giant husband who is a Cannibal, and he does the slicing and dicing.  She also has helpers of sorts that run in
here gang.  Some being a giant Yuletide
cat, ogres, and her sons, the 13 lads of Gryla.

So no matter
what your belief system is, as mentioned above, there are plenty of legends to believe
in.  If for some reason Santa is to cutesy
for you, you can wrap your blanket around any other folklore that is known,
depending where you are at in the world. 
Happy Festivus everybody!

Close the Gates….